It’s Ok to not be Ok

I’m going to get real here for a couple minutes! The past three and a half years have by far been the most difficult years of my life. The death of a sibling and a divorce are the most traumatic events I’ve experienced. Prior to my brother’s death, I had experienced the death of two grandmothers and a cousin in a span of two years. But, the death of a sibling was the one that shook me to my core. It’s really hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced, what one of best friend’s calls, a cosmic hammer. A cosmic hammer is what I would describe as a traumatic event that shakes you to your core. It stops you in your tracks and allows you to review and reflect on your life. Some people would call this a mid-life crisis. For so long I had been living on auto pilot, not really aware of life passing by, I wasn’t really living. The silver lining of my brother passing, if there is one, would be living more in the moment and living in such a way that allows me to experience more joy. But, there are hard days, and boy, when the hard days come, they can really hit me hard.

The firsts are always the hardest they say when you are grieving, whether that is the passing of a loved one or from a divorce. Having being hit with both of these in a matter of two years is what has elevated me to the place I am now. Recently, I went on a camping trip with my two boys, it was our first camping trip just the three of us. I was surprised with the grief that hit me hard the first day. As we biked around the campground, we were met by families with both moms and dads. I’m sure my boys didn’t notice but it was right in my face. At the beach I felt like we stuck out like sore thumbs, I was sure that everyone was looking at us and judging my family of three, noticing that their dad was not present. Instead of focusing on this, I instead breathed through the uncomfortableness and played and laughed and snuggled with my boys. The next day we met a family, a fellow energy healer that I had never met before. Our families hung out for the entire day and it made the trip feel less lonely and more inviting and spacious and heart-warming. It allowed me to see that family units can look so many different ways and that my belief of what a family looks like has changed and evolved.

I’m proud to say that I have come a really long way, from a place of coping, to a place of self-awareness. Even though it’s not easy adjusting to my new life, I can say that I have this renewed sense of life. I look at things in a different way now, I’m able to look at them with more awe and beauty than before. I’m more playful with my boys and I see magic all around me. I now have dreams of my own that I’d like to fulfill in this lifetime and I do not feel one ounce of guilt in pursuing those dreams.

Here are a few things that I have learned to assist me in moving through the grief and emotions:

-          If emotions come up, allow yourself to feel them fully, breathe through them and allow them to pass naturally;

-          Journal your feelings and then burn the pages if you need to let them go;

-          To assist in the letting go process, go for a run, do a kickboxing class, do something to expel that extra energy;

-          Read inspiration quotes and listen to inspirational podcasts;

-          Unfollow anyone on social media that is bringing you down, this is bad for your mindset;

-          Establish strict boundaries for yourself that are loving and respectful;

-          Write out or say out loud what you are grateful for and why;

-          Write out or say out loud what you are proud of yourself for and why; and

-          Love yourself daily and be easy on yourself!

Wishing you all a magical and peaceful day!